Released: 2017
Summary:

White Cards:

• (A picture of Sean Connery from the movie Zardoz)
• Masturbating Yoda’s leathery turtle-penis.
• A misty room full of glistening egg sacs.
• Going too far with science and bad things happening.
• Three boobs.
• An alternate history where Hitler was gay but he still killed all those people.
• A hazmat suit full of farts.
• A protagonist with no qualities.
• Darmok and Jalad at Tanagra.
• Cheerful blowjob robots.
• That girl from the Hungry Games.
• Cosmic bowling.
• The ending of Lost.
• Trimming the poop out of Chewbacca’s butt hair.
• A planet-devouring space worm named Rachel.
• How great of a movie Men in Black was.
• Nine seasons of sexual tension with David Duchovny.
• Frantically writing equations on a chalkboard.
• Vulcan sex-madness.
• Funkified aliens from the planet Groovius.
• The dystopia we’re living in right now.
• Laying thousands of eggs in a man’s colon.
• Beep beep boop beep boop.

Black Cards:

• Computer! Display _____ on screen. Enhance.
• Madam President, the asteroid is headed directly for Earth and there’s only one thing that can stop it: _____.
• What is the answer to life, the universe, and everything?
• Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to _____.
• You have violated the Prime Directive! You exposed an alien culture to _____ before they were ready.
• You’re not going to believe this, but I’m you from the future! You’ve got to stop _____.
• This won’t be like negotiating with the Vogons. Humans only respond to one thing: _____.

Released: 2015
Summary: Someone’s mad at wizards.

White Cards:

• Hodor.
• Dinosaurs who wear armor and you ride them and they kick ass.
• Freaking pan-dimensional sex with a demigod.
• Bathing naked in a moonlit grove.
• Kneeing a wizard in the balls.
• Shitting in a wizard’s spell book and jizzing in his hat.
• Handcuffing a wizard to a radiator and dousing him with kerosene.
• Shooting a wizard with a gun.
• A CGI dragon.
• A mysterious floating orb.
• Reading The Hobbit under the covers while mom and dad scream at each other downstairs.
• A magical kingdom with dragons and elves and no black people.
• A gay sorcerer who turns everyone gay.
• A Hitachi Magic Wand.
• A dwarf who won’t leave you alone until you compare penis size.
• How hot Orlando Bloom was in Lord Of The Rings.
• A ghoul.
• A weed elemental who gets everyone high.
• Make-believe stories for autistic white men.

Black Cards:

• Your father was a powerful wizard, Harry. Before he died, he left you something very precious: ___.
• Legend tells of a princess who has been asleep for a thousand years and can only be awoken by ___.
• And in the end, the dragon was not evil; he just wanted___.
• Who blasphemes and bubbles at the center of all infinity, whose name no lips dare speak aloud, and who gnaws hungrily in inconceivable, unlighted chambers beyond time?
• Critics are raving about HBO’s new Game Of Thrones spin-off, “___ of ___.”
• Having tired of poetry and music, the immortal elves now fill their days with ___.